The Art of Not Bouncing Back

If you’ve become a mother, did you feel the pressure to “bounce back”?

I don’t just mean physically, though that is a huge part of it.

Societal pressure to return to pre-motherhood norms as quickly as possible can feel confusing and incredibly stressful.

Yes, there’s the question of when are you going to fit into your clothes again but the bigger questions looming are when are you going back to work and when will you be the old you again?

Early in my pre-baby career, I was warned I would change if I became a mother. My priorities would change, my ambitions would change, everything would change. Which made me nervous. I liked who I was.

But turns out they were right. Not quite in the way I feared but I am definitely not the same person I was before my darling daughter crashed my party.

Here’s what I didn’t expect though–I like the new me, too.

I do have different priorities but they’re surprisingly not all about my daughter.

I’m now expert-level at sifting through what needs to get done, what should get done, and what would-be-nice-to get done throughout a day all broken down into 15 min increments (if you know, you know).

I’m no less ambitious–hell, I might even be more ambitious–but I do have a bullshit tolerance that’s gone waaaay down.

I also have a deep need for the time spent away from my family to be purpose driven.

Recently I was introduced to the term matrescence, which helped give perspective on the “new me”. Matrescence describes the transformative journey of becoming a mother and likens the profound transition as being similar to adolescence with its drastic physical, emotional, and societal changes.

Recognizing matrescence promotes self-compassion, personal agency, and long-term growth for mothers. We weren’t intended to “bounce back”, we’re intended to emerge anew.

Our personal growth and identify shifts need to be embraced and celebrated–both personally and professionally.

So if you’re feeling the pressure to bounce back, question what you’re being asked to bounce back to and whether that would signify growth for you or a regression.

Thank the old you for getting you here but embrace your growth. 💪